Wow...been a while.
My blogging at Corrupt.org and Amerika.org is, I think, going well - especially in light of the fact that we now have an eight month old baby getting ready to run around our house. Lots of changes...and most of what I have to say is on Corrupt and Amerika.
Only other item of note is that I have begun writing what may either be a short story or a novel. Hopefully it's not lame. If it is, I will kill it and throw it into the recycle bin.
We love our new community, our new house, our new son. We're blessed. That's about it for now.
Showing posts with label reality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reality. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Friday, August 07, 2009
George Sodini's Diary
The story of George Sodini is sad but fascinating. I agree that memoirs and personal diaries of the supposedly deranged should not be removed from the web (as was done by Mr. Sodini's web host, apparently, though the page is now up again) simply because he's a moron who ended up randomly killing a bunch of people. He lived his life in silent torture, cursing the world around him, yet still able to muster up good social graces, a good job, and maintain an appearance of calm servitude to the society around him. Kind of like Patrick Bateman in American Psycho, actually, when you read the whole thing - particularly the ending.
His own words say to spread the word and that this can be re-published freely. And for those of you who don't know, Sodini is the guy who gunned down a bunch of people at a Pittsburgh-area gym on August 4th, 2009. Of course, the mainstream news sites won't report much about this journal because they don't want to bring attention to the fact that our society is sick, valueless, and cultureless; that we're nothing more than oversocialized beasts who would sell our own mothers down the river for a little money, and that people like George Sodini may not do what they do if our values as a society were different.
Does this excuse what he did? Absolutely not. I wouldn't want my wife in that gym any more than any of you would, if only because I know in my heart that our values as a family make sense to us, and we live them accordingly with an eye toward making the world a better place, and maybe even making our mark on civilization in the future such that it becomes better. But even if we simply produce one or two children who aim to do the same thing, that's fine with us.
Sodini was a confused creature, apparently believing that getting laid was going to solve the "problem" of being worth $250K with no one to share it with. Had he entered into a relationship with a woman and been unhappy after a few months, maybe he wouldn't have entered into a massive rampage on an unsuspecting gym, but only become what he despised in the first place: a guy with money but nothing of real value, in a dead end relationship, thinking falsely that someone to come home to every night - no matter who - was going to make him happy.
George Sodini
Age 48.
DOB 9/30/1960
DOD 8/4/2009
5-10, 155 lbs.
Never married.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania USA
Why do this?? To young girls? Just read below. I kept a running log that includes my thoughts and actions, after I saw this project was going to drag on.
November 5, 2008:
Planned to do this in the summer but figure to stick around to see the election outcome. This particular one got so much attention and I was just curious. Not like I give a flying fcuk who won, since this exit plan was already planned. Good luck to Obama! He will be successful. The liberal media LOVES him. Amerika has chosen The Black Man. Good! In light of this I got ideas outside of Obama's plans for the economy and such. Here it is: Every black man should get a young white girl hoe to hone up on. Kinda a reverse indentured servitude thing. Long ago, many a older white male landowner had a young Negro wench girl for his desires. Bout' time tables are turned on that shit. Besides, dem young white hoez dig da bruthrs! LOL. More so than they dig the white dudes! Every daddy know when he sends his little girl to college, she be bangin a bruthr real good. I saw it. "Not my little girl", daddy says! (Yeah right!!) Black dudes have thier choice of best white hoez. You do the math, there are enough young white so all the brothers can each have one for 3 or 6 months or so.
December 22, 2008:
Time is moving along. Planned to have this done already. I will just keep a running log here as time passes. Many of the young girls here look so beautiful as to not be human, very edible. After joining this gym, started lifting weights and like it. Much info about weight programs, diet etc on the web. Or anything for that matter. Instead of TV I can Google for hours to relax. TV and most movies are dull.
December 24, 2008:
Moving into Christmas again. No girlfriend since 1984, last Christmas with Pam was in 1983. Who knows why. I am not ugly or too weird. No sex since July 1990 either (I was 29). No shit! Over eighteen years ago. And did it maybe only 50-75 times in my life. Getting to think that a woman now would just, uh, get in the way of things. Isolated. I have extra money and enjoy traveling, too, wtih my 25-30 days of vacation. LA was the best! But going alone is not too fun. Invited to a party on Christmas day tomorrow. Seems about 15-25 people will actually show. I like her parties; I can meet new people and talk. Got the next 8 days off. I should have exit plan done and practiced by then. I know nothing will change, no matter how hard I try or what goals I set.
December 28, 2008:
Glad I stayed around. All these days off are great. I will shoot for Tuesday, January 6, 2009, at maybe 8:15. I have list of to-do items to make.
December 29, 2008:
Just got back from tanning, been doing this for a while. No gym today, my elbow is sore again. I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne - yet 30 million women rejected me - over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guesstimate of how many desirable single women there are. A man needs a woman for confidence. He gets a boost on the job, career, with other men, and everywhere else when he knows inside he has someone to spend the night with and who is also a friend. This type of life I see is a closed world with me specifically and totally excluded. Every other guy does this successfully to a degree. Flying solo for many years is a destroyer. Yet many people say I am easy to get along with, etc. Looking back, I owe nothing to desirable females who ask for anything, except for basic courtesy - usually. Looking back over everything, what bothers me most is the inability to work towards whatever change I choose.
December 30, 2008:
While driving I radio surfed to a talk show. The caller was a 30ish black man who was describing the despair in certain black communities. According to him, life is cheap there because you are going to die anyway when you get old. It is the quality of life that is important, he said. If you know the past 40 years were crappy, why live another 30 crappy years then die? His point was they engage in dangerous behavior which tends to shorten the lifespans, to die now and avoid the next 30 crappy years, using my example. The host got sarcastic and ended the call instead of trying understanding his point. Agreement wasn't necesary. I put music back on. But it was an interesting, and useful point for me to hear.
December 31, 2008:
My anger and rage is largely gone since I began lifting weights. Lifting drains me but I still have energy. Somebody else suggested running but that did not help me. I guess strenuous exercise is necesary for a man. So I just learned that now at 48. Maybe 30 years later than I would have liked. My dad never (not once) talked to me or asked about my life's details and tell me what he knew. He was just a useless sperm doner. Don't know why, find it fun talking to young kids when I visit someone. Brother was actually counter-productive and would try to embarase me or discourage my efferts when persuing things, esp girls early on (teen years). Useless bully. Result is I am learning basics by trial and error in my 40s, followed by discuragement. Seems odd, but thats true. Writing all this is helping me justify my plan and to see the futility of continuing. Too embarassed to tell anyone this, at almost 50 one is expected to just know these things.I hope it doesn't snow on Tuesday. Just thought of that. The crowd will be thin so I would postpone. Shit!
Now that I am on the topic of family and people I know, I might as well make a summary of sorts to show where things stand. This is New Years Eve I have time, no date tonight of course, so:
Honorable mention:
Tetelestai Church in Pittsburgh, PA - "Be Ye Holy, even as I have been Ye holy! Thus saith the lord thy God!", as pastor Rick Knapp would proclaim. Holy shit, religion is a waste. But this guy teaches (and convinced me) you can commit mass murder then still go to heaven. Ask him. Call him at [] If no answer there, he should still live at []. In any case, guilt and fear kept me there 13 long years until Nov 2006. I think his crap did the most damage. Their web site: http://www.tetelestai.org/.
Mum - The Central Boss. []. Don't piss her off or she will be mad and vindictive for years. She actually thinks she's normal. Very dominant. Her way and only her way with no flexibility toward everyone in the household. A power and control thing. People outside the immediate family like her. Why are people vicious with their closest ones? She is the Boss above all other Bosses.
Michael Sodini - A Boss, my brother (Mike Sodini) [] - Always the big bully, twice the size of most others. When he bullied or harassed someone, it was the other person who "deserved it". It was always about him. Way to self absorbed, too. Still is. Used to like to embarrass guys in front of their girlfriends. Lots of other shit. Kind of guy you actually loved to hate. The biggest, most self-centered jagoff I know. He took those bullying "skills" into the business world and is doing good financially. He is a big wheel only in his mind. Most people can see thru all his manipulation. He calls only when he wants something.
Sherry - sister - More of a victim than anything. Copes by exercising much control over her adult children. We used to be close until her control of L & D caused a conflict. Never the same after.
David - neph, sis's son (girlfriend Mallory Squires). Good young guy, though.
Lisa - niece, sis's daught. Attractive, smart, emotional - all good YW qualities.
Idiots:
Andy Pulkowski - I have been in barrooms and church groups. The worst people by far are the religious types. Especially a right-wing, stiff-faced fundie like Andy. A condescending, demeaning, passive-aggresive person. Frigid, rigid, linear and totally inflexible. Being a very serious person, he cannot hide his frown-lined face. He better not try to smile; lest his face might crack. I knew children of parents who grew up in strict religious homes. Religion has a certain stink to it of guilt, shame, fear, and that moral standard that always contradicts the natural tendencies and desires of a person. Therin lies the conflict. Young person cannot experiment with things to decide on their own and establish their own parameters. So they tend to cut loose and really rebel much worse than the average young person. Ma and Pa never know what goes on. They easily BS their parents because they want to believe their little one is an angel. Andy has a young daughter Bethany Pulkowski away at college, High Point University. I saw her picture on his desk. She's your basic, attractive, young girl. Please reread my entry made on Nov 5th. That's only one thing she can do. You Andy types out there need to further strengthen your strict resolve and do more of the same thing! Because those girls were great when I recall my college years! She is someone's (or many guy's) little hoe now, I am sure.Another point about andy. How can someone be cold, vicious, sarcastic and generally nasty ALL THE TIME and then make the claim about their church life and how good they are? Total hypocritical idiots.
That's all for now. That felt good.
Let's continue...
January 5, 2009:
Was at the gym to lift. Very crowded. Tomorrow should be good. There is a woman there that gives me a certain look every time I am there. I decided to walk over and make a comment about the crowds but she left when I finished the exercise. Better that I do not get sidetracked from tomorrow's plan anyways. Life is just playing games. One or two dates with her, then the end. No matter how many changes I try to make, things stay the same. Every evening I am alone, and then go to bed alone. Young women were brutal when I was younger, now they aren't as much, probably because they just see me just as another old man.I see twenty something couples everywhere. I see a twenty something guy with a nice twentyish young women. I think those years slipped right by for me. Why should I continue another 20+ years alone? I will just work, come home, eat, maybe do something, then go to bed (alone) for the next day of the same thing. This is the Auschwitz Syndrome, to be in serious pain so long one thinks it is normal. I cannot wait for tomorrow!
January 6, 2009:
I can do this. Leaving work today, I felt like a zombie - just going thru the motions. Get on the bus, get the car, drive home.....My mind is screwed up anymore, I can't concentrate at work or think at all.This log is not detailed. It is only for confidence to do this. The future holds even less than what I have today.It is 6:40pm, about hour and a half to go. God have mercy. I wish life could be better for all and the crazy world can somehow run smoother. I wish I had answers. Bye.
It is 8:45PM: I chickened out! Shit! I brought the loaded guns, everything. Hell!
April 24, 2009:
Early last month, we had our second general layoff. I survived. First one was in November. When I began 10 years ago, that used to be a nice place to work. I understand the need to reduce staff when times sour, but this is out of proportion to the economic problems at this time. The economy is shrinking by about 4-5%. They decided not to pay Christmas bonus - for staff that amounts to about 8% of yearly pay. Well, OK. Plus no yearly "merit" raise, another 3.5%. That totals to about 11% cut. Plus two layoffs of 5% staff in each case. Do the math. I know this firm is using this downturn as an excuse to take advanage of a bad situation and kill jobs UNNECESSARILY. The second layoff people who actually did work were let go. We all need to pick up the slack so the company can cut beyond what is necesary. Wasn't going to mention it, because of all this shit, it is K&L Gates, the large law firm headquartered here in Pittsburgh. Just call it K&L Gates Corporation. Most people there are OK and I would never have a shoot 'em up there. They paid me for 10 years, so far!
I predict I won't survive the next layoff. That is when there is no point to continue. Right now, life is bearable and I can get by indefinitely. Something bad must happen. The paycheck is all I have left. The future holds nothing for me. Twenty five years of nothing fun. I never even spent one weekend with a girl in my life, even at my own place. Also unlikely to find another similar job. I guess then is when I take care of things. I don't have kids, close friends or anything. Just me here. If you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.
I enjoy writing these entries, I have no plans to go back and edit or even read most stuff already written. If you get bored, just click that "x" at the top, right corner of your browser. Bye.
May 4, 2009:I was so eager to do this last year. The big problem on my mind now is that my job will end soon. One project is being transistioned to another. The other one I am solely responsible, but is being fast tracked to production. I estimate maybe a month. I am not ready for the job market. I am ok what I do, a .NET software developer. Not at the top of the class, but I do a good job. I survived two general layoffs and other little layoffs they are having but keeping quiet about. I hear things.
The problem is I feel too good now to do this but too bad to enjoy life. I know I will never enjoy life. This is an over 30 year trend. Some people are happy, some are miserable. It is difficult to live almost continuously feeling an undercurrent of fear, worry, discontentment and helplessness. I can talk and joke around and sound happy but under it all is something different that seems unchangable and a permanent part of my being. I need to realize the details of what I never accomplished in life and to be convinced the future is merely a continuation of the past - WHICH IT ALWAYS has been. I am making a list of items that will provide motivation to do the exit plan, it won't be published. I always had hope that maybe things will improve especially if I make big attempts to change my life. I made many big changes in the past two years but everything is still the same. Life is over. Even though I look good, dress well, well groomed - nails, teeth, hair, etc. Who knows.
What is it like to be dead? I always think I am forgetting something, that's one reason I postponed. Similar to when you leave to get in your car to go somewhere - you hesitate with a thought: "what am I forgetting?". In this case, I cannot make a return trip!
I like to write and talk. Ironic because I haven't met anybody recently (past 30 years) who I want to be close friends with OR who want to be close friends with me. I was always open to suggestions to what I am doing wrong, no brother or father (mine are useless) or close friend to nudge me and give it bluntly yet tactfully wtf I am doing wrong. A personal coach or someone who knows what he is doing would be perfect. Money is highly secondary for a solution.
May 5, 2009:
To pull the exit plan off, it popped into my mind to just use some booze. I want to do this before I get laid off, for reasons not worth mentioning but don't seem to have the balls. After the gym, I stopped at Shop N Save and got a fifth of vodka and a small bottle of Jack Daniels. I haven't had a drink since September 1, 1988, just over 20 years. It doesn't matter now, I need to use it to take the edge off of carrying out the exit plan. I will be taking some every now and then to get used to it and see if the alcohol effects will embolden me. Weed would be fun to try again. I don't know who has any. Life is over, who cares? I just need to use common sense, can't drink and drive, etc. This idea just hit me at a point in time and I immediately acted on it. Same thing happened when I decided to go back to Pitt full time, first day was Monday, May 8, 1989, and to buy the house that closed on Friday, September 30, 1996, to name two examples I remember so well.
The list idea yesterday is working. I carry it in my wallet and add to it. I am feeling to good to do carry this out, but too bad to enjoy ANYTHING. My life's dilema.
May 6, 2009:
I started the JD. About one ounce with some tea to get me started. No big deal.
May 7, 2009:
Went to the gym and did mostly cardio. My heart rate was 117 just from walking on the treadmill at 3.4. This should be done a few times a week for maybe 15 mins or so to keep the heart active. I sprinted a few times to push the limits.
May 18, 2009:
I actually had a date today. It was with a woman I met on the bus in March. We got together at Two PPG Place for lunch. The last date for me was May 1, 2008. Women just don't like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one. Not one of them finds me attractive. I am looking at The List I made from my May 4th idea. I forgot about that for several days. That tells me where I stand. These problems have gotten worse over a 30 year period. I need to expect nothing from me or other people. All through the years I thought we had the ability to change ourselves - I guess that is incorrect. Looking at The List makes me realize how TOTALLY ALONE, a deeper word is ISOLATED, I am from all else. I no longer have any expectations of myself. I have no options because I cannot work toward and achieve even the smallest goals. That is, ABOVE ALL, what bothers me the most. Not to be able to work towards what I want in my life. I believe I am deserve that. I read recently it is called "self efficacy", but who knows. Is that more psychobable?
May 25, 2009:
I was invited to a picnic, and I went. An older woman there, out of the blue, asked if I liked high school. Then quickly asked if I was picked on very much. Intersting why she would ask that. But, thanks, I already know what the problem is, but a solution eludes me.
May 29, 2009:
Another lonely Friday night, I'm done. This is too much.
June 2, 2009:
Some people I was talking with believed I date a lot and get around with women. They think this because I showed an email I got from a hot woman to the department gossip, but it didn't work out. All this is funny. Actually, I haven't had sex since I was 29 years old, 19 years ago. That's true.
June 5, 2009:
I was reading several posts on different forums and it seems many teenage girls have sex frequently. One 16 year old does it usually three times a day with her boyfriend. So, err, after a month of that, this little hoe has had more sex than ME in my LIFE, and I am 48. One more reason. Thanks for nada, bitches! Bye.
July 4, 2009:
Wow, already late evening. I stayed in all day. Can't believe there was NOTHING to do today. No parties or picnics. WTF. No need to leave now.
July 20, 2009:
Been a long time since last write. Everything still sucks. But I got a promotion and a raise, even in this shitty Obama ecomomy. No more grunt programming. Go figure! New boss is great. He tactfully says when you did something wrong or complements on good things. Never confused with him. But that is NOT what I want in life. I guess some of us were simply meant to walk a lonely path. I have slept alone for over 20 years. Last time I slept all night with a girlfriend it was 1982. Proof I am a total malfunction. Girls and women don't even give me a second look ANYWHERE. There is something BLATANTLY wrong with me that NO goddam person will tell me what it is. Every person just wants to be fucking nice and say nice things to me. Flattery. Oh yeah, I am sure you can get a date anytime. You look good, etc. Pussies. Awwww, wait. I can just start being self-righteous and say I live a good, clean life. I am holy, that's all Rick Knapp stuff. Hear that you mother fucker: I Am Just Good!
July 23, 2009:
Wow!!
I just looked out my front window and saw a beautiful college-age girl leave Bob Fox's house, across the street. I guess he got a good lay today. College girls are hoez. I masturbate. Frequently. He is about 45 years old. She was a long haired, hot little hottie with a beautiful bod. I masturbate. Frequently. Some were simply meant to walk a lonely path in life. I don't usually look out, but just happened to notice. Holy fuck. I have masturbated since age 13. Thanks, mum and brother (by blood alone). And dad, old man, for TOTALLY ignoring me through the years. All of you DEEPLY helped me be this way.
I wish I can go back to 1975 and fix things. Awe, that wont work, big BULLY BROTHER would assert his bull shit. He was twice my size. He never messed with guys bigger than 5'10, or so. He is a PUSSY at heart. Remember, Michael is my brother (we have common parents, that's all) is still a BOSS. Repetition only for emphasis: HE IS ONLY A BULLY, even at 50ish! Never forget that! Because he exudes confidence. People believe bull shit if delivered WITH CONFIDENCE.
Get it??
On the same thought, things occured to me today. Michael NEVER had an attractive girlfriend. Debbie, Barb, Kim, ... then I lost track. Not to say I had any (execpt Pam, who was about a 7.25). He married a Chinese-descent, petite woman with no body, no ass, no chest and no personality. She never laughs or smiles, neither does he. But she is highly intelligent and an excellent cook. I can testify to that! She home bakes her own DELICIOUS wheat bread! But who cares about that type of small bull crap? Mike even mentioned when we were visiting dad that "she's not very attractive".
I don't know where I am going with this. I am getting tired, feels good to write and get it all out.
On still another thought, I had 20+ years of sobriety and achieved nothing about friendships, girlfriends, guys, etc. Zilch. What a waste.
Bye, for today.
August 2, 2009:
The biggest problem of all is not having relationships or friends, but not being able to achieve and acquire what I desire in those or many other areas. Everthing stays the same regardless of the effert I put in. If I had control over my life then I would be happier. But for about the past 30 years, I have not
August 3, 2009:
I took off today, Monday, and tomorrow to practice my routine and make sure it is well polished. I need to work out every detail, there is only one shot. Also I need to be completely immersed into something before I can be successful. I haven't had a drink since Friday at about 2:30. Total effort needed. Tomorrow is the big day.
Unfortunately I talked to my neighbor today, who is very positive and upbeat. I need to remain focused and absorbed COMPLETELY. Last time I tried this, in January, I chickened out. Lets see how this new approach works.
Maybe soon, I will see God and Jesus. At least that is what I was told. Eternal life does NOT depend on works. If it did, we will all be in hell. Christ paid for EVERY sin, so how can I or you be judged BY GOD for a sin when the penalty was ALREADY paid. People judge but that does not matter. I was reading the Bible and The Integrity of God beginning yesterday, because soon I will see them.
I will try not to add anymore entries because this computer clicking distracts me.
Also, any of the "Practice Papers" left on my coffee table I used or the notes in my gym bag can be published freely. I will not be embarased, because, well, I will be dead. Some people like to study that stuff. Maybe all this will shed insight on why some people just cannot make things happen in their life, which can potentially benefit others.
Miscellaneous:
1. Probably 99% of the people who know me well don't even think I was this crazy. Told by at least 100 girls/women over the years I was a "nice guy". Not kidding.
2. Lee Ann Valdiserri had my baby in early 1991. Haven't seen her since she was about four months into it. I knew her sister, Chris, from high school.
3. Net worth slightly more than $250K, (after all debt) as of end of 2008.
4. Death Lives!
© 2009 George Sodini
This should not be taken off the web. It is obviously my view and opinion.Reproduce this as you wish, in its entirity.
**Copy this to usenet/newsgroups where my voice will speak forever!**
Don't modify it, you can correct my spelling errors, I used WordPad. Unless the names are required legally to be blotted out, then fine. Thanks.
[Following is Sodini's secret hidden message which was at the bottom of the page, but commented out in the HTML:]
At the gym I saw a woman I like. I see her at the park and ride sometimes, so she isn't a stranger. Occationaly she makes good eye contact and smiles, etc. She is maybe 40ish, and attractive to me. I made brief conversation to her and a younger woman she was with today. To get a friend like her (and for night time action) I would cancel this plan, or put on hold, at least for a while.
(links to this diary, as long as they stay active: Click here and here.)
His own words say to spread the word and that this can be re-published freely. And for those of you who don't know, Sodini is the guy who gunned down a bunch of people at a Pittsburgh-area gym on August 4th, 2009. Of course, the mainstream news sites won't report much about this journal because they don't want to bring attention to the fact that our society is sick, valueless, and cultureless; that we're nothing more than oversocialized beasts who would sell our own mothers down the river for a little money, and that people like George Sodini may not do what they do if our values as a society were different.
Does this excuse what he did? Absolutely not. I wouldn't want my wife in that gym any more than any of you would, if only because I know in my heart that our values as a family make sense to us, and we live them accordingly with an eye toward making the world a better place, and maybe even making our mark on civilization in the future such that it becomes better. But even if we simply produce one or two children who aim to do the same thing, that's fine with us.
Sodini was a confused creature, apparently believing that getting laid was going to solve the "problem" of being worth $250K with no one to share it with. Had he entered into a relationship with a woman and been unhappy after a few months, maybe he wouldn't have entered into a massive rampage on an unsuspecting gym, but only become what he despised in the first place: a guy with money but nothing of real value, in a dead end relationship, thinking falsely that someone to come home to every night - no matter who - was going to make him happy.
George Sodini
Age 48.
DOB 9/30/1960
DOD 8/4/2009
5-10, 155 lbs.
Never married.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania USA
Why do this?? To young girls? Just read below. I kept a running log that includes my thoughts and actions, after I saw this project was going to drag on.
November 5, 2008:
Planned to do this in the summer but figure to stick around to see the election outcome. This particular one got so much attention and I was just curious. Not like I give a flying fcuk who won, since this exit plan was already planned. Good luck to Obama! He will be successful. The liberal media LOVES him. Amerika has chosen The Black Man. Good! In light of this I got ideas outside of Obama's plans for the economy and such. Here it is: Every black man should get a young white girl hoe to hone up on. Kinda a reverse indentured servitude thing. Long ago, many a older white male landowner had a young Negro wench girl for his desires. Bout' time tables are turned on that shit. Besides, dem young white hoez dig da bruthrs! LOL. More so than they dig the white dudes! Every daddy know when he sends his little girl to college, she be bangin a bruthr real good. I saw it. "Not my little girl", daddy says! (Yeah right!!) Black dudes have thier choice of best white hoez. You do the math, there are enough young white so all the brothers can each have one for 3 or 6 months or so.
December 22, 2008:
Time is moving along. Planned to have this done already. I will just keep a running log here as time passes. Many of the young girls here look so beautiful as to not be human, very edible. After joining this gym, started lifting weights and like it. Much info about weight programs, diet etc on the web. Or anything for that matter. Instead of TV I can Google for hours to relax. TV and most movies are dull.
December 24, 2008:
Moving into Christmas again. No girlfriend since 1984, last Christmas with Pam was in 1983. Who knows why. I am not ugly or too weird. No sex since July 1990 either (I was 29). No shit! Over eighteen years ago. And did it maybe only 50-75 times in my life. Getting to think that a woman now would just, uh, get in the way of things. Isolated. I have extra money and enjoy traveling, too, wtih my 25-30 days of vacation. LA was the best! But going alone is not too fun. Invited to a party on Christmas day tomorrow. Seems about 15-25 people will actually show. I like her parties; I can meet new people and talk. Got the next 8 days off. I should have exit plan done and practiced by then. I know nothing will change, no matter how hard I try or what goals I set.
December 28, 2008:
Glad I stayed around. All these days off are great. I will shoot for Tuesday, January 6, 2009, at maybe 8:15. I have list of to-do items to make.
December 29, 2008:
Just got back from tanning, been doing this for a while. No gym today, my elbow is sore again. I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne - yet 30 million women rejected me - over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guesstimate of how many desirable single women there are. A man needs a woman for confidence. He gets a boost on the job, career, with other men, and everywhere else when he knows inside he has someone to spend the night with and who is also a friend. This type of life I see is a closed world with me specifically and totally excluded. Every other guy does this successfully to a degree. Flying solo for many years is a destroyer. Yet many people say I am easy to get along with, etc. Looking back, I owe nothing to desirable females who ask for anything, except for basic courtesy - usually. Looking back over everything, what bothers me most is the inability to work towards whatever change I choose.
December 30, 2008:
While driving I radio surfed to a talk show. The caller was a 30ish black man who was describing the despair in certain black communities. According to him, life is cheap there because you are going to die anyway when you get old. It is the quality of life that is important, he said. If you know the past 40 years were crappy, why live another 30 crappy years then die? His point was they engage in dangerous behavior which tends to shorten the lifespans, to die now and avoid the next 30 crappy years, using my example. The host got sarcastic and ended the call instead of trying understanding his point. Agreement wasn't necesary. I put music back on. But it was an interesting, and useful point for me to hear.
December 31, 2008:
My anger and rage is largely gone since I began lifting weights. Lifting drains me but I still have energy. Somebody else suggested running but that did not help me. I guess strenuous exercise is necesary for a man. So I just learned that now at 48. Maybe 30 years later than I would have liked. My dad never (not once) talked to me or asked about my life's details and tell me what he knew. He was just a useless sperm doner. Don't know why, find it fun talking to young kids when I visit someone. Brother was actually counter-productive and would try to embarase me or discourage my efferts when persuing things, esp girls early on (teen years). Useless bully. Result is I am learning basics by trial and error in my 40s, followed by discuragement. Seems odd, but thats true. Writing all this is helping me justify my plan and to see the futility of continuing. Too embarassed to tell anyone this, at almost 50 one is expected to just know these things.I hope it doesn't snow on Tuesday. Just thought of that. The crowd will be thin so I would postpone. Shit!
Now that I am on the topic of family and people I know, I might as well make a summary of sorts to show where things stand. This is New Years Eve I have time, no date tonight of course, so:
Honorable mention:
Tetelestai Church in Pittsburgh, PA - "Be Ye Holy, even as I have been Ye holy! Thus saith the lord thy God!", as pastor Rick Knapp would proclaim. Holy shit, religion is a waste. But this guy teaches (and convinced me) you can commit mass murder then still go to heaven. Ask him. Call him at [] If no answer there, he should still live at []. In any case, guilt and fear kept me there 13 long years until Nov 2006. I think his crap did the most damage. Their web site: http://www.tetelestai.org/.
Mum - The Central Boss. []. Don't piss her off or she will be mad and vindictive for years. She actually thinks she's normal. Very dominant. Her way and only her way with no flexibility toward everyone in the household. A power and control thing. People outside the immediate family like her. Why are people vicious with their closest ones? She is the Boss above all other Bosses.
Michael Sodini - A Boss, my brother (Mike Sodini) [] - Always the big bully, twice the size of most others. When he bullied or harassed someone, it was the other person who "deserved it". It was always about him. Way to self absorbed, too. Still is. Used to like to embarrass guys in front of their girlfriends. Lots of other shit. Kind of guy you actually loved to hate. The biggest, most self-centered jagoff I know. He took those bullying "skills" into the business world and is doing good financially. He is a big wheel only in his mind. Most people can see thru all his manipulation. He calls only when he wants something.
Sherry - sister - More of a victim than anything. Copes by exercising much control over her adult children. We used to be close until her control of L & D caused a conflict. Never the same after.
David - neph, sis's son (girlfriend Mallory Squires). Good young guy, though.
Lisa - niece, sis's daught. Attractive, smart, emotional - all good YW qualities.
Idiots:
Andy Pulkowski - I have been in barrooms and church groups. The worst people by far are the religious types. Especially a right-wing, stiff-faced fundie like Andy. A condescending, demeaning, passive-aggresive person. Frigid, rigid, linear and totally inflexible. Being a very serious person, he cannot hide his frown-lined face. He better not try to smile; lest his face might crack. I knew children of parents who grew up in strict religious homes. Religion has a certain stink to it of guilt, shame, fear, and that moral standard that always contradicts the natural tendencies and desires of a person. Therin lies the conflict. Young person cannot experiment with things to decide on their own and establish their own parameters. So they tend to cut loose and really rebel much worse than the average young person. Ma and Pa never know what goes on. They easily BS their parents because they want to believe their little one is an angel. Andy has a young daughter Bethany Pulkowski away at college, High Point University. I saw her picture on his desk. She's your basic, attractive, young girl. Please reread my entry made on Nov 5th. That's only one thing she can do. You Andy types out there need to further strengthen your strict resolve and do more of the same thing! Because those girls were great when I recall my college years! She is someone's (or many guy's) little hoe now, I am sure.Another point about andy. How can someone be cold, vicious, sarcastic and generally nasty ALL THE TIME and then make the claim about their church life and how good they are? Total hypocritical idiots.
That's all for now. That felt good.
Let's continue...
January 5, 2009:
Was at the gym to lift. Very crowded. Tomorrow should be good. There is a woman there that gives me a certain look every time I am there. I decided to walk over and make a comment about the crowds but she left when I finished the exercise. Better that I do not get sidetracked from tomorrow's plan anyways. Life is just playing games. One or two dates with her, then the end. No matter how many changes I try to make, things stay the same. Every evening I am alone, and then go to bed alone. Young women were brutal when I was younger, now they aren't as much, probably because they just see me just as another old man.I see twenty something couples everywhere. I see a twenty something guy with a nice twentyish young women. I think those years slipped right by for me. Why should I continue another 20+ years alone? I will just work, come home, eat, maybe do something, then go to bed (alone) for the next day of the same thing. This is the Auschwitz Syndrome, to be in serious pain so long one thinks it is normal. I cannot wait for tomorrow!
January 6, 2009:
I can do this. Leaving work today, I felt like a zombie - just going thru the motions. Get on the bus, get the car, drive home.....My mind is screwed up anymore, I can't concentrate at work or think at all.This log is not detailed. It is only for confidence to do this. The future holds even less than what I have today.It is 6:40pm, about hour and a half to go. God have mercy. I wish life could be better for all and the crazy world can somehow run smoother. I wish I had answers. Bye.
It is 8:45PM: I chickened out! Shit! I brought the loaded guns, everything. Hell!
April 24, 2009:
Early last month, we had our second general layoff. I survived. First one was in November. When I began 10 years ago, that used to be a nice place to work. I understand the need to reduce staff when times sour, but this is out of proportion to the economic problems at this time. The economy is shrinking by about 4-5%. They decided not to pay Christmas bonus - for staff that amounts to about 8% of yearly pay. Well, OK. Plus no yearly "merit" raise, another 3.5%. That totals to about 11% cut. Plus two layoffs of 5% staff in each case. Do the math. I know this firm is using this downturn as an excuse to take advanage of a bad situation and kill jobs UNNECESSARILY. The second layoff people who actually did work were let go. We all need to pick up the slack so the company can cut beyond what is necesary. Wasn't going to mention it, because of all this shit, it is K&L Gates, the large law firm headquartered here in Pittsburgh. Just call it K&L Gates Corporation. Most people there are OK and I would never have a shoot 'em up there. They paid me for 10 years, so far!
I predict I won't survive the next layoff. That is when there is no point to continue. Right now, life is bearable and I can get by indefinitely. Something bad must happen. The paycheck is all I have left. The future holds nothing for me. Twenty five years of nothing fun. I never even spent one weekend with a girl in my life, even at my own place. Also unlikely to find another similar job. I guess then is when I take care of things. I don't have kids, close friends or anything. Just me here. If you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.
I enjoy writing these entries, I have no plans to go back and edit or even read most stuff already written. If you get bored, just click that "x" at the top, right corner of your browser. Bye.
May 4, 2009:I was so eager to do this last year. The big problem on my mind now is that my job will end soon. One project is being transistioned to another. The other one I am solely responsible, but is being fast tracked to production. I estimate maybe a month. I am not ready for the job market. I am ok what I do, a .NET software developer. Not at the top of the class, but I do a good job. I survived two general layoffs and other little layoffs they are having but keeping quiet about. I hear things.
The problem is I feel too good now to do this but too bad to enjoy life. I know I will never enjoy life. This is an over 30 year trend. Some people are happy, some are miserable. It is difficult to live almost continuously feeling an undercurrent of fear, worry, discontentment and helplessness. I can talk and joke around and sound happy but under it all is something different that seems unchangable and a permanent part of my being. I need to realize the details of what I never accomplished in life and to be convinced the future is merely a continuation of the past - WHICH IT ALWAYS has been. I am making a list of items that will provide motivation to do the exit plan, it won't be published. I always had hope that maybe things will improve especially if I make big attempts to change my life. I made many big changes in the past two years but everything is still the same. Life is over. Even though I look good, dress well, well groomed - nails, teeth, hair, etc. Who knows.
What is it like to be dead? I always think I am forgetting something, that's one reason I postponed. Similar to when you leave to get in your car to go somewhere - you hesitate with a thought: "what am I forgetting?". In this case, I cannot make a return trip!
I like to write and talk. Ironic because I haven't met anybody recently (past 30 years) who I want to be close friends with OR who want to be close friends with me. I was always open to suggestions to what I am doing wrong, no brother or father (mine are useless) or close friend to nudge me and give it bluntly yet tactfully wtf I am doing wrong. A personal coach or someone who knows what he is doing would be perfect. Money is highly secondary for a solution.
May 5, 2009:
To pull the exit plan off, it popped into my mind to just use some booze. I want to do this before I get laid off, for reasons not worth mentioning but don't seem to have the balls. After the gym, I stopped at Shop N Save and got a fifth of vodka and a small bottle of Jack Daniels. I haven't had a drink since September 1, 1988, just over 20 years. It doesn't matter now, I need to use it to take the edge off of carrying out the exit plan. I will be taking some every now and then to get used to it and see if the alcohol effects will embolden me. Weed would be fun to try again. I don't know who has any. Life is over, who cares? I just need to use common sense, can't drink and drive, etc. This idea just hit me at a point in time and I immediately acted on it. Same thing happened when I decided to go back to Pitt full time, first day was Monday, May 8, 1989, and to buy the house that closed on Friday, September 30, 1996, to name two examples I remember so well.
The list idea yesterday is working. I carry it in my wallet and add to it. I am feeling to good to do carry this out, but too bad to enjoy ANYTHING. My life's dilema.
May 6, 2009:
I started the JD. About one ounce with some tea to get me started. No big deal.
May 7, 2009:
Went to the gym and did mostly cardio. My heart rate was 117 just from walking on the treadmill at 3.4. This should be done a few times a week for maybe 15 mins or so to keep the heart active. I sprinted a few times to push the limits.
May 18, 2009:
I actually had a date today. It was with a woman I met on the bus in March. We got together at Two PPG Place for lunch. The last date for me was May 1, 2008. Women just don't like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one. Not one of them finds me attractive. I am looking at The List I made from my May 4th idea. I forgot about that for several days. That tells me where I stand. These problems have gotten worse over a 30 year period. I need to expect nothing from me or other people. All through the years I thought we had the ability to change ourselves - I guess that is incorrect. Looking at The List makes me realize how TOTALLY ALONE, a deeper word is ISOLATED, I am from all else. I no longer have any expectations of myself. I have no options because I cannot work toward and achieve even the smallest goals. That is, ABOVE ALL, what bothers me the most. Not to be able to work towards what I want in my life. I believe I am deserve that. I read recently it is called "self efficacy", but who knows. Is that more psychobable?
May 25, 2009:
I was invited to a picnic, and I went. An older woman there, out of the blue, asked if I liked high school. Then quickly asked if I was picked on very much. Intersting why she would ask that. But, thanks, I already know what the problem is, but a solution eludes me.
May 29, 2009:
Another lonely Friday night, I'm done. This is too much.
June 2, 2009:
Some people I was talking with believed I date a lot and get around with women. They think this because I showed an email I got from a hot woman to the department gossip, but it didn't work out. All this is funny. Actually, I haven't had sex since I was 29 years old, 19 years ago. That's true.
June 5, 2009:
I was reading several posts on different forums and it seems many teenage girls have sex frequently. One 16 year old does it usually three times a day with her boyfriend. So, err, after a month of that, this little hoe has had more sex than ME in my LIFE, and I am 48. One more reason. Thanks for nada, bitches! Bye.
July 4, 2009:
Wow, already late evening. I stayed in all day. Can't believe there was NOTHING to do today. No parties or picnics. WTF. No need to leave now.
July 20, 2009:
Been a long time since last write. Everything still sucks. But I got a promotion and a raise, even in this shitty Obama ecomomy. No more grunt programming. Go figure! New boss is great. He tactfully says when you did something wrong or complements on good things. Never confused with him. But that is NOT what I want in life. I guess some of us were simply meant to walk a lonely path. I have slept alone for over 20 years. Last time I slept all night with a girlfriend it was 1982. Proof I am a total malfunction. Girls and women don't even give me a second look ANYWHERE. There is something BLATANTLY wrong with me that NO goddam person will tell me what it is. Every person just wants to be fucking nice and say nice things to me. Flattery. Oh yeah, I am sure you can get a date anytime. You look good, etc. Pussies. Awwww, wait. I can just start being self-righteous and say I live a good, clean life. I am holy, that's all Rick Knapp stuff. Hear that you mother fucker: I Am Just Good!
July 23, 2009:
Wow!!
I just looked out my front window and saw a beautiful college-age girl leave Bob Fox's house, across the street. I guess he got a good lay today. College girls are hoez. I masturbate. Frequently. He is about 45 years old. She was a long haired, hot little hottie with a beautiful bod. I masturbate. Frequently. Some were simply meant to walk a lonely path in life. I don't usually look out, but just happened to notice. Holy fuck. I have masturbated since age 13. Thanks, mum and brother (by blood alone). And dad, old man, for TOTALLY ignoring me through the years. All of you DEEPLY helped me be this way.
I wish I can go back to 1975 and fix things. Awe, that wont work, big BULLY BROTHER would assert his bull shit. He was twice my size. He never messed with guys bigger than 5'10, or so. He is a PUSSY at heart. Remember, Michael is my brother (we have common parents, that's all) is still a BOSS. Repetition only for emphasis: HE IS ONLY A BULLY, even at 50ish! Never forget that! Because he exudes confidence. People believe bull shit if delivered WITH CONFIDENCE.
Get it??
On the same thought, things occured to me today. Michael NEVER had an attractive girlfriend. Debbie, Barb, Kim, ... then I lost track. Not to say I had any (execpt Pam, who was about a 7.25). He married a Chinese-descent, petite woman with no body, no ass, no chest and no personality. She never laughs or smiles, neither does he. But she is highly intelligent and an excellent cook. I can testify to that! She home bakes her own DELICIOUS wheat bread! But who cares about that type of small bull crap? Mike even mentioned when we were visiting dad that "she's not very attractive".
I don't know where I am going with this. I am getting tired, feels good to write and get it all out.
On still another thought, I had 20+ years of sobriety and achieved nothing about friendships, girlfriends, guys, etc. Zilch. What a waste.
Bye, for today.
August 2, 2009:
The biggest problem of all is not having relationships or friends, but not being able to achieve and acquire what I desire in those or many other areas. Everthing stays the same regardless of the effert I put in. If I had control over my life then I would be happier. But for about the past 30 years, I have not
August 3, 2009:
I took off today, Monday, and tomorrow to practice my routine and make sure it is well polished. I need to work out every detail, there is only one shot. Also I need to be completely immersed into something before I can be successful. I haven't had a drink since Friday at about 2:30. Total effort needed. Tomorrow is the big day.
Unfortunately I talked to my neighbor today, who is very positive and upbeat. I need to remain focused and absorbed COMPLETELY. Last time I tried this, in January, I chickened out. Lets see how this new approach works.
Maybe soon, I will see God and Jesus. At least that is what I was told. Eternal life does NOT depend on works. If it did, we will all be in hell. Christ paid for EVERY sin, so how can I or you be judged BY GOD for a sin when the penalty was ALREADY paid. People judge but that does not matter. I was reading the Bible and The Integrity of God beginning yesterday, because soon I will see them.
I will try not to add anymore entries because this computer clicking distracts me.
Also, any of the "Practice Papers" left on my coffee table I used or the notes in my gym bag can be published freely. I will not be embarased, because, well, I will be dead. Some people like to study that stuff. Maybe all this will shed insight on why some people just cannot make things happen in their life, which can potentially benefit others.
Miscellaneous:
1. Probably 99% of the people who know me well don't even think I was this crazy. Told by at least 100 girls/women over the years I was a "nice guy". Not kidding.
2. Lee Ann Valdiserri had my baby in early 1991. Haven't seen her since she was about four months into it. I knew her sister, Chris, from high school.
3. Net worth slightly more than $250K, (after all debt) as of end of 2008.
4. Death Lives!
© 2009 George Sodini
This should not be taken off the web. It is obviously my view and opinion.Reproduce this as you wish, in its entirity.
**Copy this to usenet/newsgroups where my voice will speak forever!**
Don't modify it, you can correct my spelling errors, I used WordPad. Unless the names are required legally to be blotted out, then fine. Thanks.
[Following is Sodini's secret hidden message which was at the bottom of the page, but commented out in the HTML:]
At the gym I saw a woman I like. I see her at the park and ride sometimes, so she isn't a stranger. Occationaly she makes good eye contact and smiles, etc. She is maybe 40ish, and attractive to me. I made brief conversation to her and a younger woman she was with today. To get a friend like her (and for night time action) I would cancel this plan, or put on hold, at least for a while.
(links to this diary, as long as they stay active: Click here and here.)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
2081 (or Harrison Bergeron): Film Adaptation on the Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. Classic Short Story
I look forward to this movie, but undoubtedly Hollywood will change something or make it all about the relationship between the two extraordinary dancers instead of focusing on the actual point of the story. Still, I'm surprised Hollywood would ever allow this to be produced. Should be an interesting film when compared to the original story.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
If SPR Is Wrong, I Don't Wanna Be Right
As usual, Spinoza Ray Prozak, a.k.a. Brett Stevens, has made his point loud and clear over at ANUS.com. I can't say it better than SPR, so I'll include a link and some fun facts from his newest article, "Equality As A Tool Of The Salesperson":
Of course, it was witless this whole time to assume consequences would not arrive. They did, and now thirty years later, we're awakening to the fact that:
- We have eliminated the open spaces natural species need to breed, frolic, hunt and nest.
- We have made toxic most of our air and water.
- We have created ugly, utilitarian cities of square shapes.
- Our societies reward the biggest drama queens because drama is necessary to rise above equality.
- We are entering an age of constant political conflict where unlimited wants meet finite reality.
- We have dumbed ourselves down by insisting on equality instead of rewarding the exceptional.
- Our climate may or may not be getting ready to destroy us -- our authorities cannot agree.
- If you ask any modern person their woes, once you get beyond the car payments and toothaches, you will find that these consequences at the root of their misery. Essentially, the social infrastructure is rotted and has been replaced by social preference, which leads to the lowest common denominator enthroned as the optimum.
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Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Check out this blog
Go here:
http://perkinsincostarica.blogspot.com/
My brother in law is in Costa Rica with WorldTeach and his blog is linked above. Much respect, because he's on a journey many of us - myself included - could never imagine. Building houses in the rain and mud for poor families; teaching great young minds who need the care and attention of a great teacher on a daily basis; breaking social barriers and living without a cell phone or McDonald's close by for a year or more...again, can you imagine yourself in a mountain in Costa Rica teaching villagers? I thought not.
I don't think it's a fair comparison, so view this as more a correlation, but if you look at poor villages in Europe, you see what many of us actually came from. Anyone of southern Italian, Spanish, Czech, French, even German & Polish descent - many of these immigrants were poor and our great grandfathers came over during the Great Depression or some other time of crisis, looking for work. Imagine if your great grandfather had stayed behind and was maybe ten times as poor as he was back in his village in Europe, which had the benefit of thousands of years of Roman and Greek society behind it? Then you might get an idea of what Dan is dealing with in Costa Rica today. No Wal-Mart; no PDAs; no distinction between Apple or Microsoft (THE HORROR!).
While I'm definitely against overpopulation and world governments throwing money at problems, this type of direct assistance being provided by Dan & his fellow volunteers strengthens my view that private organizations do a much better job than any government ever could in terms of assistance. It also strengthens my view that people should and could be helped directly by giving of time & money versus sending boxes of air-dropped food and drugs to, say, Africa, and then watching as corrupt governments cash in on that aid.
What the US government does, while patting itself on the back, is throw money, drugs, or food at a problem and says, "have fun". They don't actually build anything, but they waste our taxpayer money on looking good to the rest of the world, while simultaneously giving guns and ammo to horrible allies like Israel, our "American in the Middle East".
Dan, however, is actually building something for families and watching as their situation gets just a little better. That family will have a much better view of America and Americans as a result, especially compared to the Palestinian grandfather who can still remember when Israel was called Palestine and he and his family weren't living in concentration camps. This grandfather has probably seen one son or grandson "accidentally" murdered by Israeli military strikes, and another one angry enough and stupid enough to join a terrorist organization as payback.
There's aid which only upholds the corrupt regimes we claim to fight in this country, and then there's aid that actually does something of value. Dan is doing a great job writing about how much more effective the latter can be.
http://perkinsincostarica.blogspot.com/
My brother in law is in Costa Rica with WorldTeach and his blog is linked above. Much respect, because he's on a journey many of us - myself included - could never imagine. Building houses in the rain and mud for poor families; teaching great young minds who need the care and attention of a great teacher on a daily basis; breaking social barriers and living without a cell phone or McDonald's close by for a year or more...again, can you imagine yourself in a mountain in Costa Rica teaching villagers? I thought not.
I don't think it's a fair comparison, so view this as more a correlation, but if you look at poor villages in Europe, you see what many of us actually came from. Anyone of southern Italian, Spanish, Czech, French, even German & Polish descent - many of these immigrants were poor and our great grandfathers came over during the Great Depression or some other time of crisis, looking for work. Imagine if your great grandfather had stayed behind and was maybe ten times as poor as he was back in his village in Europe, which had the benefit of thousands of years of Roman and Greek society behind it? Then you might get an idea of what Dan is dealing with in Costa Rica today. No Wal-Mart; no PDAs; no distinction between Apple or Microsoft (THE HORROR!).
While I'm definitely against overpopulation and world governments throwing money at problems, this type of direct assistance being provided by Dan & his fellow volunteers strengthens my view that private organizations do a much better job than any government ever could in terms of assistance. It also strengthens my view that people should and could be helped directly by giving of time & money versus sending boxes of air-dropped food and drugs to, say, Africa, and then watching as corrupt governments cash in on that aid.
What the US government does, while patting itself on the back, is throw money, drugs, or food at a problem and says, "have fun". They don't actually build anything, but they waste our taxpayer money on looking good to the rest of the world, while simultaneously giving guns and ammo to horrible allies like Israel, our "American in the Middle East".
Dan, however, is actually building something for families and watching as their situation gets just a little better. That family will have a much better view of America and Americans as a result, especially compared to the Palestinian grandfather who can still remember when Israel was called Palestine and he and his family weren't living in concentration camps. This grandfather has probably seen one son or grandson "accidentally" murdered by Israeli military strikes, and another one angry enough and stupid enough to join a terrorist organization as payback.
There's aid which only upholds the corrupt regimes we claim to fight in this country, and then there's aid that actually does something of value. Dan is doing a great job writing about how much more effective the latter can be.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Ford Motor Co. turning focus toward parenting with new models
A car company isn't just a car company anymore. Apparently, vehicle manufacturers also feel the need to parent for morons with even more moronic kids:
[Ford] will roll out a new feature on many 2010 models that can limit teen drivers to 80 miles per hour, using a computer chip in the key.
Parents also have the option of programming the teen's key to limit the audio system's volume, and to sound continuous alerts if the driver doesn't wear a seat belt.
Let's cut through the pleasantries: Ford suddenly is concerned about kids driving faster than 80MPH on the highways? And about drivers wearing seat belts? Consider the source: Ford is one of the three decaying, formerly great American car companies. Add to that a social welfare state where people desire material wealth and comfort without working for it, and you have parents who don't really like to parent but would rather use machines and technology to limit their children - "don't do that" instead of telling them why it's bad and, oh, by the way, setting a good example.
As I stated in my post about quaint parenting gestures vs. real parenting, these actions only breed contempt, and has fostered an increasingly dangerous environment for teenagers and college students whereby as soon as parents and professors aren't around, they're acting out like wild animals and drinking/getting laid as fast and as much as possible. The more parents try to control the MySpace, Facebook accounts, emails, and friends (impossible in these times), the less they respect that authority and the more they act out against it.
Set a good example for your children when they're young: Be good parents, and try to build communities with shared values instead of accepting our reality at face value, then trying to limit a child's participation in that reality through artificial means.
[Ford] will roll out a new feature on many 2010 models that can limit teen drivers to 80 miles per hour, using a computer chip in the key.
Parents also have the option of programming the teen's key to limit the audio system's volume, and to sound continuous alerts if the driver doesn't wear a seat belt.
Let's cut through the pleasantries: Ford suddenly is concerned about kids driving faster than 80MPH on the highways? And about drivers wearing seat belts? Consider the source: Ford is one of the three decaying, formerly great American car companies. Add to that a social welfare state where people desire material wealth and comfort without working for it, and you have parents who don't really like to parent but would rather use machines and technology to limit their children - "don't do that" instead of telling them why it's bad and, oh, by the way, setting a good example.
As I stated in my post about quaint parenting gestures vs. real parenting, these actions only breed contempt, and has fostered an increasingly dangerous environment for teenagers and college students whereby as soon as parents and professors aren't around, they're acting out like wild animals and drinking/getting laid as fast and as much as possible. The more parents try to control the MySpace, Facebook accounts, emails, and friends (impossible in these times), the less they respect that authority and the more they act out against it.
Set a good example for your children when they're young: Be good parents, and try to build communities with shared values instead of accepting our reality at face value, then trying to limit a child's participation in that reality through artificial means.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
More scientific observations that humans are not important
Not on the evolutionary scale, and certainly not on a cosmic scale. We might think we're special, but the reality is, we're a very tiny piece of a puzzle so large that our species and its history counts for nothing in the truly big picture.
The scientists deduced that whatever is driving the movements of the clusters must lie beyond the known universe.
A theory called inflation posits that the universe we see is just a small bubble of space-time that got rapidly expanded after the Big Bang. There could be other parts of the cosmos beyond this bubble that we cannot see.
In these regions, space-time might be very different, and likely doesn't contain stars and galaxies (which only formed because of the particular density pattern of mass in our bubble). It could include giant, massive structures much larger than anything in our own observable universe. These structures are what researchers suspect are tugging on the galaxy clusters, causing the dark flow.
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Realize how small you, your religion, and your existence are; live life in harmony with this reality instead of inventing false drama like most of the herd in our "enlightened" society.
"Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every 'superstar,' every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there—on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam." -Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot, 1994
The scientists deduced that whatever is driving the movements of the clusters must lie beyond the known universe.
A theory called inflation posits that the universe we see is just a small bubble of space-time that got rapidly expanded after the Big Bang. There could be other parts of the cosmos beyond this bubble that we cannot see.
In these regions, space-time might be very different, and likely doesn't contain stars and galaxies (which only formed because of the particular density pattern of mass in our bubble). It could include giant, massive structures much larger than anything in our own observable universe. These structures are what researchers suspect are tugging on the galaxy clusters, causing the dark flow.
[+]
Realize how small you, your religion, and your existence are; live life in harmony with this reality instead of inventing false drama like most of the herd in our "enlightened" society.
"Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every 'superstar,' every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there—on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam." -Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot, 1994
Friday, May 23, 2008
New, fascinating ideas: New Pedestrianism
Corrupt.org recently interviewed Michael E. Arth (New Urban Cowboy; Labors of Hercules) who has recently converted a Florida slum formerly known as 'Cracktown' to a new area now known as "The Garden District". His New Pedestrianism ideas revolve around changing zoning laws in order to create a more pedestrian-friendly town where cars are thought of as secondary to walking. Additionally, businesses would always be in the center of town with houses & neighborhoods on the periphery, and with nature and bodies of water bordering these communities instead of concrete jungles and highways. I found his ideas to be a bit idealistic, but grounded in practical reality. The man definitely knows he has an uphill battle ahead to quite literally change the world, but he is up to the task and believes that we can change the way we live if we put forth the effort - from corrupt federal officials attempting to pacify 320 million-plus Americans to localized, mostly autonomous small communities.
Here are some links to check out:
Most cars can be eliminated within twenty years
Corrupt.org interview with Michael Arth
UNICE
New Urban Cowboy
Michael Arth's website
Golden Apples Media
New Pedestrianism
Here's a snippet that Corrupt.org recently published:
The world’s 800 million cars could be reduced by 90% or more with the application of pedestrian-oriented urban design, and two technologies that are already in their infancy. Urban designer and futurist, Michael E. Arth, presenting a paper on the future of urban design at the Congress of New Urbanism (CNU) in Austin, Texas, on April 5th, and in various publications and interviews, says that self-driving public taxies, virtual reality, and the application of pedestrian-oriented urban design, could eliminate most cars within 20 years.* A newly released feature documentary, New Urban Cowboy: Toward a New Pedestrianism, tells the story of Arth’s revival of a former crack slum and demonstrates an idealistic form of urban design he calls New Pedestrianism.
Michael E. Arth writes: “Ninety percent of the time, cars are parked somewhere taking up resources. If we traded private cars for efficient, zero emission, self-driving public taxis, we can have any type of vehicle we want, when we want it, for a fraction of the cost of owning a vehicle, and we would take a huge step toward solving a wide range of problems, including global warming. Almost all of the world’s annual 1.2 million deaths** and 48 million injuries, resulting from motor vehicle accidents, are human-caused, so smart autonomous cars should be able to prevent most of those casualties too. Doubters need look no farther than existing car sharing programs, and GM’s 2008 Opel Vectra, which will have ‘Traffic Assist’ and will reportedly be capable of driving itself on the highway in heavy traffic. Insurance companies, automobile makers, lawmakers under control of industry lobbyists, and the minority of drivers not wanting to be chauffeured, may resist replacing so many private cars with so few self-driving public cars, but the environmental, safety, and economic reasons for doing so are utterly compelling.
“The third component of this reduction in cars is the imperative to make our physical world attractive, livable, safe, and sustainable. In order to build for the future, we should make our inner cities more pedestrian friendly—as is already happening in various town centers around the world. New developments should follow the tenets of New Pedestrianism to create vibrant, compact villages, where cars are kept on a separate network at the rear of all buildings, with pedestrians and cyclists traveling on a peaceful, tree-lined, front lane. This will further reduce automobile dependency and improve our environment. With more and more time spent in cyberspace, physical activity will become even more important for the health.”
Here are some links to check out:
Most cars can be eliminated within twenty years
Corrupt.org interview with Michael Arth
UNICE
New Urban Cowboy
Michael Arth's website
Golden Apples Media
New Pedestrianism
Here's a snippet that Corrupt.org recently published:
The world’s 800 million cars could be reduced by 90% or more with the application of pedestrian-oriented urban design, and two technologies that are already in their infancy. Urban designer and futurist, Michael E. Arth, presenting a paper on the future of urban design at the Congress of New Urbanism (CNU) in Austin, Texas, on April 5th, and in various publications and interviews, says that self-driving public taxies, virtual reality, and the application of pedestrian-oriented urban design, could eliminate most cars within 20 years.* A newly released feature documentary, New Urban Cowboy: Toward a New Pedestrianism, tells the story of Arth’s revival of a former crack slum and demonstrates an idealistic form of urban design he calls New Pedestrianism.
Michael E. Arth writes: “Ninety percent of the time, cars are parked somewhere taking up resources. If we traded private cars for efficient, zero emission, self-driving public taxis, we can have any type of vehicle we want, when we want it, for a fraction of the cost of owning a vehicle, and we would take a huge step toward solving a wide range of problems, including global warming. Almost all of the world’s annual 1.2 million deaths** and 48 million injuries, resulting from motor vehicle accidents, are human-caused, so smart autonomous cars should be able to prevent most of those casualties too. Doubters need look no farther than existing car sharing programs, and GM’s 2008 Opel Vectra, which will have ‘Traffic Assist’ and will reportedly be capable of driving itself on the highway in heavy traffic. Insurance companies, automobile makers, lawmakers under control of industry lobbyists, and the minority of drivers not wanting to be chauffeured, may resist replacing so many private cars with so few self-driving public cars, but the environmental, safety, and economic reasons for doing so are utterly compelling.
“The third component of this reduction in cars is the imperative to make our physical world attractive, livable, safe, and sustainable. In order to build for the future, we should make our inner cities more pedestrian friendly—as is already happening in various town centers around the world. New developments should follow the tenets of New Pedestrianism to create vibrant, compact villages, where cars are kept on a separate network at the rear of all buildings, with pedestrians and cyclists traveling on a peaceful, tree-lined, front lane. This will further reduce automobile dependency and improve our environment. With more and more time spent in cyberspace, physical activity will become even more important for the health.”
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Spygate over for those of us looking forward to kickoff
Like I said in my last post about this matter, those who live in a fantasy world will continue to claim the Patriots did something that no other team in the history of professional football has ever done. All the while, we have plenty of reports from other team employees and entire organizations (including the rival Colts) which feel the Patriots did nothing wrong, and the little they did do to bend the rules was met with harsh enough punishment.
Now that this story has met its end, we can say with certainty that the most recent developments include:
Now that this story has met its end, we can say with certainty that the most recent developments include:
- Matt Walsh kept a tape of a San Diego cheerleader and little else
- The Boston Herald admitted that it published a false story with zero credibility two days before the second-most watched TV program in history (oops!!!)
- Roger Goodell came out in defense of the Patriots by stating that the Patriots were not punished for taping any signals, but rather for doing it from the sideline - the only question here was the location of the camera, not the actual taping of signals.
Suddenly, all of the maniacal anti-Patriots ranting has ceased on most of the message boards out there. The Patriots are a team that, since 2001, has brought its fans an unparalleled amount of classic moments (as well as some heartache - see the Colts game from January 2007 and of course, Super Bowl XLII). They are without a doubt the team of the decade, and as was the case with the Yankees of the late-1990s, people look for excuses as to why the Yankees are so good and their teams cannot succeed at the same level. Of course, in Major League Baseball, an entire team worth of all-stars can be purchased, and when an ownership group from a division rival allows a team like the Yankees to buy their best players or trade for their best minor leaguers, the owners throw their hands up and say, "we're doing the best with what we've got!" All the while, the accountants in the back room are figuring out just how much they need to spend to keep asses in the seats. And yes, I do realize that the Red Sox are pretty much doing the same thing these days.
In the National Football League, there's a fairly hard cap such that any expenditure over the cap results in severe luxury taxes and penalties. The reason for success here is slightly different from the Yankees as they have been operating at about the same salary level as all other 31 NFL teams. So when Brady finally gets decent receivers - despite winning three Super Bowls without an all-star receiving corps - and puts up tons of points, people forget that Peyton Manning has been doing the same thing for years, as did Kurt Warner during his time in the limelight a few years back. The Patriots were just that good, that well-prepared, and that hard-working during the 2007 season (and most of the other seasons from 2001 onward).
All the passive-aggressive internet Pats haters can go back to their Mom's basement now and wait for their own teams' training camps to begin.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
ANUS.com musings
Good article by SPR.
"Honest nihilism liberates us from that dying cycle. Nihilism eradicates morality as it is practiced, and gives us space to re-invent a civilization that is not based on pacifying the masses with morality, but on working together to build something beautiful. Our goal is not to praise the darkness, declare all is lost, and go home to our pizza sofa video game klatches. Our goal is to transcend this mess, and then put our ideas into action so they persist in physical reality."
[full article]
"Honest nihilism liberates us from that dying cycle. Nihilism eradicates morality as it is practiced, and gives us space to re-invent a civilization that is not based on pacifying the masses with morality, but on working together to build something beautiful. Our goal is not to praise the darkness, declare all is lost, and go home to our pizza sofa video game klatches. Our goal is to transcend this mess, and then put our ideas into action so they persist in physical reality."
[full article]
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